Saturday, October 07, 2006
In just 2 days, 2 people presented me with 2 connecting sets of problems.
Uncle dan lost his temper with jack and he just emailed me good bye and stuff, and telling me how jack is actually preventing me from progressing in CG and life.
I came home from a date to this email, and i was so bloody upset.
I mean, i really have to thank uncle dan for sourcing out these assignments that me, a total noob in CG can cope with and earn money from. I understand that i have been unable to prioritize or manage my time properly, thus resulting in a cock up of the work flow. I have been missing deadlines.
He sounded so angry i thought i have lost this chance and friend for real.
Then reality sunk in. Doh, nothing is certain, and now i gotta find a new way to earn money. $3000!! Over my dead body would i be able to choke up that amount of money. Then i felt like maybe i shouldnt take my o levels after all.
But i wasted 3 years.
That's 768 odd days.
It's just a stupid piece of paper.
And i dont know what to do actually.
At such a point of time where my future is so bleak, i am still worrying about jack
The last time such an incident happened was when i spent a lot of time with akai. He wasnt happy, we couldnt compromise, and we broke up.
Now it's uncle dan.
I think i'm starting to hate myself.
Uncle dan keeps on bombarding me with the TRUTH. Eg jack is not helping me in my life.
And that fact is enough to make me wanna curl up and die.
I.... seriously need to concentrate on making money to study
I want to study. I can't imagine wasting 4 years.
Maybe if i dont try hard enough now i will really regret it.
Is breaking up a solution? Jack gets very disappointed whenever we have a big quarrel and i bring it up. But you see, guys are born deaf. They can understand but they refuse to do anything.
But i really do not feel like going further...
In my head, i've always wanted to prioritize work and money for just these few months. I've said this 3 months ago. Now it's october.. just 2 more months to the start of the academic year..
I asked if jack would wait for me, he said he would wanna walk this path with me.
Now it doesnt seem so anymore..
Maybe i shouldnt blame people for my pathetic situation...
there is a solution but its long term.
and i dont know if i can hold on
Wasting 4 years during the golden years of my childhood to adulthood transition is something i will not accept.
And this unfinished chapter might not end up with a fairytale ending after all..
Like what i told momo...
if i dont make it this time round, that is the end of my story
1:23 AM
